


Another Year With You

by Phanarchy



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mild Hurt/Comfort, slight pda
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-27
Updated: 2018-12-27
Packaged: 2019-09-28 16:37:14
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,173
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17186555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phanarchy/pseuds/Phanarchy
Summary: Dan and Phil reflect on their first Christmas together and consider what their New Year's Eve will bring them, but an off-handed comment has Dan second-guessing his worth.





	Another Year With You

**Author's Note:**

  * For [freckliephil](https://archiveofourown.org/users/freckliephil/gifts).



> Merry Late Christmas Amber!! I really hope you like this little story and I hope you know how much value you bring to the world and to all of your relationships and friendships alike!

Despite the season, the train Dan and Phil found themselves on was nearly empty. Perhaps because it left Piccadilly so early in the morning. Christmas with Phil’s family had been- wonderful, to say the least. His family had always been welcoming to Dan, but he had never felt such a part of any family but his own. Hell, most days he didn’t feel like he fit in as well with his own family as he did with Phil’s that weekend. Still, they couldn’t wait to return for the weekend alone in Dan’s house. It had been too long since they could just be together, their silly, dumb, affectionate selves. 

Dan clutched his new tonberry plushie with one hand, snaking the other into Phil’s fingers hidden under his coat. He managed a glance around the train, just one other person around leaning against the headrest, eyes closed and earbuds in. Calling it safe, he tilted his head until it touched Phil’s shoulder gently, then lifted it straight up once again. He could feel Phil’s hand squeeze around his. 

“So, New Years?” Phil asked quietly. 

“I don’t have plans yet,” Dan replied. He picked at the cuticles on his free hand, avoiding eye contact, trying not to jump to the conclusion that he was being invited to be with Phil. “What about you?”

“Well, I have a couple parties I was invited to, can’t decide which. One is with Alex, and I know he’s cool, but I get to see him all the time. The other is at Peter’s with his girlfriend. I don’t see them that much, but I wouldn’t want to go without you.”

A slight blush crept up Dan’s neck. 

“Why not?” he wondered. 

“Well,” Phil continued. “I guess sometimes his girlfriend Lauren can be judgmental, and she’s been waiting for me to get into a relationship. So it might feel weird being in a relationship and you not coming along for New Years.” 

“I get that,” Dan said. “It might feel like there is something wrong between us. I mean, I’d be happy to go. Plus I always like meeting your friends.” 

Phil grinned next to him, and nudged him gently with his shoulder. 

“I don’t know though. A lot of times I don’t feel totally comfortable there. I worry if you’re gonna be good enough.” 

Dan went silent then and his face sank. Phil had said this girl was judgmental. He had given examples about her in the past. She told him that his long hair would never get him a boyfriend, and he needed it cut. She had told him to get his own apartment alone, instead of staying with a roommate, since no one would want to fuck him if he had a roommate in the house. Still, part of hearing Phil say the words ‘not good enough’ in relation to him, cut deep. 

Dan had been worrying about not being good enough for a while now. Phil was 22 years old. He had his own place away from his family, a Bachelor’s Degree in English language, and was finishing his master’s program. Dan was just 18, and no idea what he wanted to do with his life. Surely YouTube was just a temporary thing. It would never go anywhere. His family had assured him of that, and were pushing him toward a law degree once his gap year came to a close. He didn’t want to do law. But hey, maybe then he’d be good enough for Phil. 

He remained silent while Phil kept talking, trying to cover his mistake.

“I’m probably vilifying her a lot more than I need to be. She’s not that bad. I just worry because nothing I choose seems to be good enough for her.” 

Dan let out a gentle hum to show he was listening. Still, he couldn’t help but get stuck on the differences between them. He was too young, too dumb, had no future to speak of. Of course this lady wouldn’t think he was good enough for Phil. But Dan knew it wasn’t the chance that she wouldn’t like him that bothered him. It was that Phil had even considered that. On some level, Phil must believe Dan wasn’t good enough too. 

“...so why am I thinking of going there where I don’t always feels comfortable instead of going to Alex’s where I am confident in my friendships with all of them?” Phil was still talking, Dan nodded his head. He knew that wasn’t going to cut it. 

He looked around the train again, it looked like the other lone passenger had fallen asleep. 

“I feel like I haven’t been listening very well,” Dan started, “because I got hung up on me maybe not being good enough.” 

Dan was proud of himself for saying it. Since his girlfriend, he had promised himself to communicate better with future partners. To not let things fester and boil underneath the surface without giving the other person a chance to help. Still, the admission felt like he had torn his heart from his chest and set it on a silver platter in front of Phil. He had given Phil every chance to tear him apart. 

“I didn’t mean it like that.”

Phil moved his hand from Dan’s and rested it on his knee, gripping around his thigh in any attempt to reassure Dan of his feelings. 

“I think you’re pretty cool,” Phil said. English degree and all, he was never spectacular with words. Dan gave a half-hearted smile anyway. “If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have found you that tonberry.” 

Dan looked again at his gift, which felt so meaningful as a nod to their favorite video game. 

“Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He lifted his head up and looked at Phil in the eyes. He could tell Phil meant it. Phil leaned forward and kissed Dan on the lips gently. 

“No, really! You're funny, and smart, and I can have real conversations with you about all the stuff I like!" He trailed off. "Besides... Kathryn really likes you,” he reminded him. Kathryn had been fawning over Dan the whole trip. She made sure she had everything he could possibly want to eat or drink, and asked him all the right questions. It was so clear how happy she was that Phil had found him. 

“Your mom must like everyone, she’s a saint,” Dan said, laughing. His lips curled up into a genuine smile this time and a dimple appeared in his right cheek. 

“Yeah,” Phil giggled. “But that doesn’t help anything.” 

“So, New Year’s Eve at Alex or Peter and Lauren’s?” Dan found it easier than expected to keep his voice steady. 

“Hmmm, I don’t care about them,” Phil said, leaning his head on Dan’s shoulder and holding it there. “I just want to spend it with you.”

“Mmmm,” Dan mumbled as he laid his head on top of Phil’s, the scent of his shampoo filling his senses. “Me too.”

“Dan?” Phil said.

“Yeah?”

“Thanks for coming home with me for Christmas.”


End file.
